Today was a good day.

Today was also the very last class of my undergraduate degree. It also happened to be the last class of the professor who was teaching it, as he is retiring at the end of the semester. So we had cupcakes and cookies and drinks, and he gave us a pop quiz that he specifically designed to “make us feel like we didn’t know the material”, and the three top scores (I was one, hilariously) got chocolate bars. Then we all went downstairs for wine (for those who wished to partake) and a class picture of the graduating class of 2012 for English. After the picture, I spoke to a couple of my lecturers, and friends, and walked off happily to my flat to try and get some sleep. I bumped into a few friends on the way and we stood in the cold wind chatting for a half an hour.

I’ve been terrified of graduating, of not knowing what happens next, of not even knowing what country I’ll be living in come September, let alone anything else. But this morning, as I took a stroll to the supermarket minutes after it opened, and I saw the seagulls swooping low and calling out, I realised that the best thing about graduating right now is that I think I’ll be graduating on a good note. I needed closure here and I’m going to get it.

Life hasn’t ever been simple for me, and it has been quite trying for the last few years. But then there are these moments, when I just look up and can’t stop smiling and I know somewhere down the line, it will all work itself out. Or rather, I will work hard to make it work out, but I’m willing to put in the sweat.

Hope you’re doing well today. If you haven’t smiled yet, smile now. You’ll be fantastic.

“If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Taking a leaf out of Vonnegut’s book, and trying to appreciate the moments when they’re there. I had a mostly shit day (study-related, nothing else) where I felt like the biggest idiot known to mankind because there was something I wasn’t quite grasping, and because I was convinced (in the manic manner of exams) that if I didn’t understand this one point I couldn’t possibly understand anything else and as a result I would fail my exam (which is on Wednesday).

But:

• I had a dinner date with a friend, and he came round.
• This friend looks a lot like Benedict Cumberbatch. I made him come watch Sherlock with me because it’s just hilarious to me to sit next to Sherlock lookalike while watching the show.
• It was a good episode.
• I made us burritos for dinner and I had brownies left over from yesterday, so we had those with milk for dessert.
• We talked for several hours, both throughout the show and afterwards. 
• I realised how much I’d miss him when we graduate.
• We sang Early One Morning together. 
• We talked about life and relationships and sex and people and personalities and what makes someone attractive and degrees and parents and siblings and holidays and weather.
• We yelled at each other because we disagree on a lot of things.
• We laughed at each other a lot because we don’t care that we disagree.
• We talked about the fact that there is nothing more ridiculous than human existence and how this has been talked about before, obviously, because neither of us are pioneers but it’s not talked about or considered nearly enough.
• We talked about being the product of our generations and how differently or similarly we would’ve turned out in any other decade or century or society. 
• He played my guitar to me because I’m still not good by anybody’s standards.
• We talked about books. Specifically books he borrowed off me.
• We listened to jazz in comfortable silence.
• We hugged goodbye in a way that only good friends know how to hug.

An exceedingly ordinary day. But isn’t that sometimes just what the doctor ordered?

Sometimes life is strange and wonderful.

I just got an email from the editors of an anthology my poetry will be printed in, saying that they want me to attend the book launch in March. The best part? They will pay for my flights, my stay at a hotel, etc. They want me to do a poetry reading and possibly be on a panel to talk about writing poetry. 

How is this my life?

Happy days: ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’

As someone who is often quite stressed and dealing with a lot of baggage or issues, I am always very thankful when I have beautiful, happy days, whether they’re small things or large. This last week or two I’ve been back in UK, and I’ve had a great couple weeks, from walking around and doing things in London, to an easy train ride up to Scotland, to spending a couple of days cleaning my apartment that had been empty all summer, to seeing friends every day and making new acquaintances, to signing up for classes and being interested in them despite knowing that they’ll be a lot of work, to the few hours in the day when the sun treats us to a visit and the wind dies down, to people who smile in the street, getting frequent hugs after wanting affection, to hearing people’s laugher float in through my window, to meeting the boys at the pub and inviting them over for tea and biscuits after the pubs closed, to doing events to fight against genocide, to going to a concert with a friend, to laughing so hard you cry and ruin your make up and not caring, to taking walks by the sea, to going to the botanical gardens, to picking apples straight off the trees in an orchard and eating them, to reading books for university and books for pleasure, to watching the sea beat against the pier, to watching beautiful sunsets painting the sky, to feeling calm and collected, to being happy when there is nothing grand, but life is chugging along and it’s all okay.

I wanted to write that out just to remember to be grateful, and feel blessed, because I often forget it. As Kurt Vonnegut said, “I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is’.”

I hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday.

Things that made me happy recently:

So it’s exam season which automatically drags me down. So I decided to make a list of the little things that have made me happy over the past few days.

1. Waking up and finding the lilies I bought had opened overnight;
2. Making new friends;
3. My upcoming summer plans;
4. No real rain today, just a few droplets;
5. Taking photographs with my new lens;
6. Sending a book to a friend that I know he’ll enjoy;
7. Upcoming concerts;
8. Watching a little kid trying to figure out how shut a little trapdoor for about fifteen minutes;
9. Feeling the sun burn my skin just as I was about to complain that I was cold;
10. Laughing so hard I started crying.

Random Things That Have Made Me Happy Recently:

1. It stopped raining the second I stepped outside.
2. I found a £5 note I didn’t know I had.
3. I was speaking to an acquaintance at a party last night, and found out he’s a fellow bibliomaniac who has even more books than me! I’m going over to his house next week. Needless to say he’s been bumped up to ‘friend’.
4. Three hour phone conversations.
5. A tight hug when I didn’t expect it.
6. Someone I met at the festival didn’t want to let go of my hand when he was saying goodbye (he was leaving for good).
7. My signed poetry books.
8. Reigniting my love for poetry.
9. Pizza.
10. My current playlist.
11. A certain someone who ended an email with “Have a good day and feel alive and be creative and passionate”, who I don’t think realised what a lovely way to end an email that is. In fact, I want it to be an obligatory footnote to every email from now on.
12. Befriending a girl that has been in my tutorial class for the past two months. We had no idea we’d had anything in common until yesterday, whereupon we got along so well (we screamed about sodomizing people with cucumbers — it’s a long story) and laughed our asses off. She’s also as big a fan of bad puns as I am. After one one-hour coffee break together, we’ve set up a standing date every week.
13. Being able to feel that despite everything, it really might be okay in the future. 
14. Remembering how lucky I am to be able to afford to buy so many books so often. I realised this when I checked my bank account and realised how much money I’d saved by not spending a lot on books. I know I broke my book ban again and again, but I still didn’t buy anywhere nearly as many as I usually had.
15. Remembering why I love psychology.
16. Old playlists that remind me of happy times.
17. I am blessed.